The past two weeks have been crazy town. A guy fell in love with me and proceeded to stalk me until I was mean to him for no reason at all. This occasionally happens in my life and afterward I always end up spending a day depressed because I am honestly tired. I am SO tired of the dating world where I have to meet all these guys I don’t like and feel suffocated and trapped… where I keep hoping that maybe, just maybe THIS ONE will work out. Maybe someone will see the real goodness in me that I know is there. Maybe someone will really know me, and even love me. Maybe.
At this point, though, its just super sad and disheartening. Like. I am a pretty good catch…. (and don’t say I’m conceited it took me 23 years to realize how good I really am). I want a family to call mine. I want to share my life with another person. How many more times do I have to go through the horrible, PAINFUL, uncomfortable game of dating.
Where are you future husband? Haven’t you seen the signs yet?
I am in an I love Jesus mood today.
Feeling sexy, beautiful, and alive.
I accidentally went on a date after trying obnoxiously hard to make it not a date. What is my life.
State of affairs: I quit. Seriously.
Why: At some point every year, after a long dry period with no men, I get several men who are interested in me. It was more subtle at FUS, but I recognize it now that I look back. However, it’s not subtle here.
I don’t know what it is that causes a surge of guys to enter into my life, but I must have emit some sort of aura once a year that attracts them all. Anyway, why would I complain? Because, while it is good for my self- confidence, I CAN’T MAKE DECISIONS UNDER PRESSURE. I just get freaked out, reject everyone, and then worry about the fact that unless one really great guy walks into my life at one time, I am going to be single and barren forever.
Sweet Lord, I really need one good guy. Please make it happen.
Habemus Papam! We have a Pope! I was in disbelief when I heard the news today. It is such good news. I wanted to scream and run around and around and learn everything I could about this man as soon as I could. There seems to be an abundance of joy during this Lenten season. Clearly, God’s love is present right here and right now.
Ladies, (and gents—you need to hear this too)
Over the past few weeks I’ve been getting pissed off every time I open a fitness mag or look at a health blog. Honestly, I can be a health nut sometimes and I love reading about nutrition, diets, and fitness. It’s so interesting. However, I am really sick and tired of being told that I need to fall into unrealistic standards that defy the laws of puberty. I have spent too much time crying and worrying about my health and my body and the fact that things aren’t working correctly because I try to listen to this ridiculous advice, which is often borderline promoting eating disorder associated thinking and behaviors. It’s not okay and I am refusing to accept it.
If it doesn’t make you angry— it should. Think about what it does to the way that men perceive us. I’ve been noticing more and more now that guys expect women to conduct themselves so to fit these models of “fitness and health” by following a strict diet and exercise routine. In other words, the standard has become that health looks a certain way that is not attainable unless you follow some sort of regimen. But this is totally ridiculous and doesn’t make sense. We go through puberty and our bodies prepare us for childbearing. Our bodies literally change to be able to hold and nourish a baby. You can’t nourish a baby if you force yourself to stay as thin as a pre-pubescent 10 year old. Don’t get me wrong, I know women who are that thin naturally— but the thing is they look healthy. They’re genes just make them naturally tiny, but they aren’t emaciated.
I’m sick of being told that I’m not living up to the ideal because I take care of myself. I’m sick of the fact that no one teaches girls about they way that their bodies will change to accommodate a baby… That it’s all normal and good. I’m sick of the fact that no one teaches guys what a woman is supposed to look like. We teach them that they should be attracted to 12 year olds and then be upset when they find unhealthy body types to look ideal and to accept them as normal.
I am done. I am giving up diet food. I am giving up diet magazines. You should too.
The world gets a bit more lonely and a lot colder when I’m sick.